Top Five: Bioware's Hottest Female Characters

I don't know about you, but I LOVE Bioware. Ever since I discovered Baldur's Gate I've been hooked on any video game crack they allow me to buy off them. Aside from the in-depth stories, the dynamic characters and intuitive gameplay, I've also noticed something else in recent years:

Bioware games have some crazy hot chicks in them. And the best part? You can engage in (virtual) sexcapades with nearly all of them.

So after some deliberation, intense scrutiny, and revisiting old flames, I put forth the following list of the most attractive ladies of the Bioware universe.

Honorable Mentions:
(Or "Not a Ten, but I'd Hit It")

Bastila Shan, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Well who doesn't want to hit on a cute, young Jedi warrior? The fact that she carried around a yellow double-bladed lightsaber only made her hotter.

Merrill, Dragon Age 2

For such a cute tiny Elven mage, Merrill was awfully fucked up. Every time I visited that little hovel she called a home I had to stare at that broke-ass horror mirror/magic project in the corner that she just wouldn't get rid of! And ya know... she was sorta a bloodmage. Still adorable though.

Tallis, Dragon Age 2: Mark of the Assassin

Tallis gets a Honorable Mention because I just didn't get to spend enough time with her. Had I gotten an entire game with a character that was the visual (as well as audio) representation of Felicia Day, she'd be near the top of my list.

Those Who Didn't Make the Cut:
(Or "Only if I Were Drunk or Really Desperate")

Wynne, Dragon Age: Origins

I'd say Wynne here is a cougar, but let's face it. She's a aging snow leopard at best. A snow leopard that would eat Alistair up if she had the chance. (Seriously. Put them in your party and listen to what she says to him. Gross.) Count me out.

Tali'Zorah, Mass Effect 2

I know a lot of fanboys out there are huge Tali fans, but I just don't get it. Is she hot? Maybe. I don't know, because I'VE NEVER SEEN HER FREAKING FACE. Is every skinny geeky girl you know hot? 

I rest my case.

The Cream of the Crop:
(Or "The Reason I Press Pause and Ogle")

5. Isabela, Dragon Age II

Even though I'm partial to the way she appeared in Dragon Age: Origins, I can't leave Isabela off this list. She's a freaking sexy pirate for Andraste's sake! And she's well... aggressive in bed.

4. Viconia, Baldur's Gate

She's Neutral Evil alignment and blue. What else do you want? She's definitely a total bitch, but she gets shit done at least. Not without talking your ear off though. Talk about evil.

3. Aerie, Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn

The Elven Aerie will always have a soft spot in my heart. The first Bioware game I ever played was Shadows of Amn, so it was also the first time I ever romanced a video game character. You always remember your first.

2.Leliana/Morrigan, Dragon Age: Origins

The best part about Dragon Age: Origins is that it has something for everyone. And best of all? YOU GET TO DO IT WITH THEM. Love the noble and goofy guy? Here's Alistair. Like a slightly more feminine man who's not afraid to swing both ways? Meet Zevran. But for me the best characters from DA:O were obviously these two ladies. 

Morrigan, the stern, fiery, and brooding Witch of the Wild who had little knowledge of how to form a lasting relationship, is for the man who likes his sultry brunettes with a goth flavor. Claudia Black gives a tremendous performance as the tumultuous apostate. She may let you into her tent easily enough, but getting her to love you is no easy task. Still, it's worth the effort. What's not worth the effort? Figuring out how that outfit isn't always falling off her.

And then there's Leliana. Sweet, (supposedly) innocent Leliana. Who didn't fall in love with her at first sight? She's just an ex-bard (assassin) who found herself in a cloister as eventually became the bladed right hand of The Maker. And her voice (provided by Corinne Kempa) is absolutely wonderful.


It was REALLY difficult to not give these two wondrous examples of ladyhood the top slot. You have no idea. But the hottest woman in the Bioware universe is clear...

1. Miranda Lawson, Mass Effect 2

Oh Miranda. Why do you tease me so? With your enhanced biotics and genetics, your father designed to be "perfect." And he absolutely succeeded. 

Perhaps a reason Miranda is so stunning is that she's near completely based on the lovely Yvonne Strahovski (from NBC's Chuck), who also provides her voice.

Makes sense now, doesn't it? A brunette version of THAT? Sign me up.

Whatever the root cause, Miranda Lawson has it all. She's gorgeous, leggy, smart as a whip, and has the sexiest Australian accent. (Thanks again Yvonne.) What straight man wouldn't want her keeping him company at night?

That's the end of my list everyone. Feel free to praise, bash, or simply comment below. And don't forget to thank Bioware.

Judge Nerdd: Dragon Age: Redemption

A red-headed Elf? Hot.

Anyone who knows me relatively well knows my love of all things Dragon Age as well as staring at Felicia Day in any media format. When Bioware decided to bring Day into the Dragon Age world via an original web-series, I just about went insane with nerdy-glee. Felicia Day as an Elf-assassin? YES PLEASE!

After months of waiting, the first episode of Dragon Age: Redemption has finally arrived, timed to release with the Mark of the Assassin DLC for Dragon Age II, in which Day's character Tallis is also prominently featured. As a Elf enslaved by the Qunari, a race of grey giants, Tallis is sent on a mission to recover a mage (a magically endowed individual, for those of you who don't speak RPG), a dangerous and exploitable commodity in the Dragon Age realm. She runs into a loud-mouthed warrior and a good-lookin' Templar (mage hunter, employed by the church) and the plot thickens...



First of all, Redemption has a well-rounded cast for a low-budget web-series, but it still looks like a low-budget web-series. It has its qualities, but the camera-work needs well, work. They still take too long drawing focus on the simple stunts that they think are going to look impressive. When you give us time to look at a mediocre or non-involved stunt, we can recognize it as such.

With long-time hard-ass Greg Collins as the axe-wielding Brom and Doug Jones (of Pans Labyrinth/Silver Surfer/Abe Sapien fame) as the Qunari mage Saarebas, I've at least SEEN the actors before. The sets and costumes are fitting enough for the Dragon Age setting and experience, but aren't overly impressive on anyone besides Day. (Who looks really hot in it, by the way.) I'm also not sure how I feel about the Qunari's look at this point. As far as the weaponry goes, I wasn't buying it. Brom's axe looked incredibly fake and the CG-work on the blood... looked like a video game. The fight choreography is well-executed, but not every actor looks at ease with their equipment. (Looking at you Adam Rayner.)

After only one episode, I'm very mixed on Redemption. I really enjoy Felicia Day's work, but she could be a little looser and more creative with character choices. Still, she's the strong point of a series that hasn't really hit the ground running. It surely has time to recover, but it needs to quickly distinguish itself from fan-made films.

Judge Nerdd has spoken. I AM THE LAW!