Judge Nerdd: Reactions to Man of Steel Upset Me

Upon my exit of a midnight showing of Man of Steel, I couldn't help my delight. After five prior efforts, I finally got to see a Superman movie that legitimately put his super-powers on display. He heat-visioned, super-punched, and zipped across the screen in flashes of red and blue. I enjoyed Man of Steel. I truly did. And the main reason for my enjoyment is that it feels much more like a Sci-Fi movie than it does a four-color superhero one. Because that Supes movie has been done. Five times. And the last one flopped terribly, despite its charms. But before you think a Judge Nerdd sentencing is coming on, it isn't. This isn't a review. I’ve decided that I probably don’t want to write my opinions on nerd flicks for free. Because unless someone gives enough of a crap that they pay me to do it, putting up with the negativity that exists on the ole’ Internet isn’t worth the trouble. And in the days following Man of Steel’s release, I’ve witnessed negativity in true nerd-herd fashion.

"They do move in herds."

What annoys me terribly about the complaints I’ve seen regarding Man of Steel is that they’re from the same people who vent over Superman’s utterly bland personality and repetitive stories or have never actually read a Superman comic in their life. And I’m part of the prior. He’s boring. Always has been. It’s why I don’t buy any monthly Superman series and instead read what my dad picks up. (Which is still everything, bless him. He’s attached to Supes like I am to Spidey.) Superman is essentially Captain America without any life-or-death stakes whatsoever. They have to invent ways for him to be hurt, otherwise you’re stuck facing him with bad guys he can’t lay his fingers on. (Hey Lex.) This is why making a movie based on the most powerful being in the universe is such a hassle. 

So David Goyer dutifully makes an attempt to make this character not SUCK, and everyone has to rip him for it, as nerds are wont to do. Everyone bent themselves over and allowed The Dark Knight series to happen, even though that representation of Batman hardly mirrors the comic book. (Batman don't take eight years off, yo. And despite every supporting character's claim that he was married to his job, his decisions clearly spoke otherwise.) But guess what? That's what happens when you adapt a character like that to film. You make some alterations that make for a more interesting two hours and twenty minutes, as opposed to figuring out how to piecemeal exact and precise aspects of a lengthy print history.

What’s difficult to ignore is the sheer disdain people have for “choices” the director/writer makes. I know YOU wouldn’t write Zod as a soldier whose only driving force is the protection of his race. You’d make him a complex, emotional character who was torn apart by the fact that Kal-El IS a Kryptonian, but one that just murdered his own race. Zod would also have lost his mother at an early age to a terrible biking accident. And he’d also wear a sunflower necklace signaling his love of things that grow. He’d still have heat vision and super strength, because well, duh. Otherwise how is Supes gonna fight him? Oh, and you’d give him an hour of screen time all to himself for those necessary soliloquies. 

But guess what? YOU didn’t write this movie. Someone else got paid a crap-load of cash to pen this flick and this is what came of it. Just like someone in the 70’s wrote a terrible three issue arc of Superman where he battles wits with a chess prodigy. (Okay, maybe that wasn’t an actual plot, but it’s probably not too far off base.) Superman is a tremendously difficult character to make interesting, and he has the added dilemma of being an integral part of Americana. I give credit to Goyer for making an attempt at it, despite the always impending tongue-lashing. I’m honestly surprised ANYONE works on these movies. If there wasn’t a healthy pay-check involved, these flicks would be merely self-inflicted wounds on anyone of note that was involved. Because you know somewhere on the ‘net some a-hole is vehemently complaining that Lois Lane is a redhead in this movie. AS IF IT GODDAMN MATTERS. 

I love you Amy Adams. Pay these nincompoops no mind.

***SPOIL ZONE***

A metric ton of the arguments against Man of Steel stem from its conclusion, where Kal is forced to kill General Zod. After the destruction of his people, Zod has no other purpose than to now obliterate the people of Earth. Superman is forced to make a terrible choice in order to save the inhabitants of his adopted home-world. I don't have a problem with this ending in the slightest. 

If we actually analyze the character arc of a being that was still figuring out his true power level as well as the level of his own humanity, don’t you think he would accidentally/deliberately killed someone in his formative stages? (Which this Superman clearly is in when he decides to snap Zod’s neck.) Yeah, because his waiting 60 years to decide to kill someone makes a LOT more sense. It happened in the comic books people. Superman executed some perps. Deal with it. I’d much rather see him come to terms with his decision in the next movie and struggle to deal with his exponentially increasing power. Instead of all the teachings from his father (who isn’t actually his father), what if THAT moment of killing Zod is the traumatic experience that leads him to never kill again? Isn’t that a way more interesting character? Instead of just saying "Superman doesn't kill" and leaving it at that?

Oh, and sorry if his sorrow and post-death-dealing rage wasn’t dragged out enough for you, but would audiences have set records buying tickets for a 3 hour Superman flick? Nope. And even if you saw that version, you’d complain that there was too much “mopey Superman.” That’s a Kobayashi Maru if I’ve ever heard of one.

This story had to be told in one movie, because who knows if we’ll get another one? If you think the original Christopher Reeve Superman is perfect (and I see the argument), then WATCH THAT ONE OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOUR EYES BLEED. That production was a perfect storm of qualities that can almost never be recreated. Man of Steel is supposed to different. It's supposed to take chances.Superman Returns flopped, and it was a near perfect translation of the Christopher Reeve/Richard Donner universe. (Super-kid aside.) It failed because we need to see Superman punch things on-screen and because the Donner universe made sense for film-making in the 70’s. The casual audience in 2013 don’t cotton to that family-friendly shit. So guess what? The studio took your opinion (evidenced by Dark Knight box-office totals) and flipped the switch on Supes for his latest on-screen iteration.

The studios have to make a movie that people will actually PAY TO SEE. God forbid that interferes with 75 years of a stale character’s development and continuity. I swear, I’d have an aneurysm if I got as worked up as some of you guys over comic book movies. We should feel lucky we even got another Superman movie after the way the last one performed. As far as superhero flicks go, there are some egregious offenders out there (Catwoman anyone?), but Man of Steel isn't one of them. The effects are top-notch, the dialogue isn’t clunky, the acting is solid (Cavill is excellent), and there aren’t gaping plot holes. Which makes it, by default, better than 70% of superhero flicks. Man of Steel isn’t terrible. YOU ‘RE terrible at making a coherent point without overtly exaggerating. (Also: your mom’s terrible.) 

I do understand that Metropolis' epic level of destruction is certainly over-the-top. I thank Zack Snyder for that one. But honestly, I loved it. We don't get to see anything like that in these movies. Even the buildings in The Avengers had it easy compared to MoS. It was a slug-fest between two outrageously powerful beings. It's just cooler if it happens in the middle of a city. If you guys want epic realism, don't watch comic book movies. (You'd think you'd know that by now.)

So my question really ends up being this: if everyone hated Superman Returns and everyone hates Man of Steel, what Superman flick would everyone NOT hate?

Oh, I know. The one that’s not about Superman.

I’m sorry to you upset fanboys/girls that can’t handle your shit when talking about MoS (or any other comic movie, for that matter), but you’re forgetting a real important point:

THESE MOVIES AREN’T JUST FOR YOU.

And know what else?

THEY NEVER WERE.

Almost no studio makes a film that is intended to appeal to ONE type of audience. Are there dumb action flicks that mostly appeal to guys? Totally. But those make a crap-ton of money and therefore keep being produced. But releasing a comic flick isn’t a license to print money yet. (Hi Green Lantern.) You have to hire a decent director. You must assemble a legitimate ensemble cast, otherwise Fandral fans are going to be up in arms. (Not that it stops them anyway.) Funds are drained in post-production on the special effects.

Because 75 minutes of flaming skull ain't cheap.

Money is poured into marketing so that nerds aren’t the only subset of the movie-going populace that knows about the film, because they won’t be enough to offset the $120 million budget. At this point you have a hella-expensive movie that needs butts in the seats. Making a Clark/Lois love-story deeply woven into a plot of intrigue, space exploration, and an examination of the human/Kryptonian psyche isn’t going to put said butts where they need to be. Especially if Superman doesn’t punch things into oblivion. And it doesn't even stop there!

Most nerds feel so entitled regarding their favorite character(s) that they actually are angered by a related film’s success. “Oh man, now everyone else likes him too.”

You’re an idiot. THAT”S THE BLOODY POINT. You know why fans of Booster Gold will never get a Booster Gold movie? Because he looks like a douche, is only mildly amusing, has barely any powers, and has a backstory that never comes to fruition. But the guy that created him? He thought Booster was the best. He wanted everyone to be a fan of his creation. He is disappointed that his intellectual property only rates as a mid-tier hero (at best) that can’t hold down an ongoing series, no matter how often DC pushes him.

But let’s get a little more personal with this example.

I love Spider-man. Anyone who has ever been in my bathroom knows this. (I’m not joking.) But I don't ever feel like I OWN Spider-man. (Even if I do.) When Spider-man 3 came out, I was a bit disappointed. It certainly hadn’t lived up to the previous installments. But I didn’t go on a ridiculously worded and inaccurate tirade about how TERRIBLE it was. At the time of its release, it was still a well above average superhero movie. It wasn’t Dolph Lundgren’s Punisher, for Odin’s sake. So I felt happy that at least I got another Spidey movie, even if it wasn’t THE BEST THING EVER. I always feel lucky that my favorite superhero is popular enough that he has an insane amount of merchandise for sale and has managed to be the focus of FOUR major studio releases (three of which are pretty damn good). Can you imagine if your favorite hero growing up was Speedball?

Good luck on getting that made into a pencil topper, much less a feature film.

I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m railing and ranting on everyone I know. But I am, for the most part. My sister (who is a true-blue Supes fan, obvious to anyone that’s been in our apartment) and I came away from Man of Steel with the same sentiments. Still, we find ourselves alone in a sea of criticism and bitchery. Can someone just throw me some Spidey arm-floaties? Is being a tad positive SO hard?

That's what I'm talking about!

I’m not writing this to incite a flame war or to talk down at anyone. All I want is for my friends to be able to actually enjoy these movies while they’re in vogue. I lived through about fifteen years where the only decent comic movies were Batman and Batman Returns. As for Spidey? Fuhgedaboudit. I had to rent the 70’s live action Spider-man TV specials if I didn’t want to watch a cartoon. Other than that it was a crap-shoot. And I didn’t even have to wait that long. I feel bad for my dad. That guy went forty years with only Superman I and Superman II to hang his Super-hat on. (Also that he had to wait a decade and a half to get the stank of Superman III AND Superman IV: The Quest for Peace out of his mouth. Now THOSE were bad movies.)

Worst of all, I actually feel bad for liking Man of Steel. I do. Because none of my “nerd friends” that have seen it have anything remotely positive to say about it. Am I a bad comic nerd because I can actually enjoy this movie and understand that the director made a few different choices? Should I feel bad for being more easily entertained than my brethren? If your answers to those questions are “yes,” then so be it. A comic nerd I am no longer. I’d rather get out of that group before I too turn into a cynical jerk that sees everything as shit. I like being entertained. It makes me happy. I’m sorry none of you can enjoy these movies for what they are: fun.

Now if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to try and figure out how to not be a comic nerd while maintaining a room like this:

Judge Nerdd OUT.