Dear Katy Perry,
I was so fucking excited distraught when I heard of your impending divorce from Cro-Magnon Tool Brit comedian ass-clown Russell Brand. When I had heard a few months back that you were taking a break from the spotlight to start a family with him, I was scared this would be the result. I mean, who could honestly live with that man? I'm glad you learned this lesson after 14 months and not three years from now when everyone had already lost their celebrity wedding bets. It's better this way.
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| Really? HIM??? |
Yes, it's better that you asked him to divorce you so that it wouldn't upset your religious parents sensibilities. (And that everyone found out about it.) No need to ruin your perfect public image.
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| Yes. That public image. |
Finally Katy, I want you to know something: It's going to be okay. I'm here for you.
Because I would still totally hit that.
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